Frogs -- Aristophanes

27Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master,

28At which the audience never fail to laugh?

30Aye, what you will, except "I'm getting crushed":

32Fight shy of that: I'm sick of that already.

34Nothing else smart?

36Aye, save "my shoulder's aching."

38Come now, that comical joke?

40With all my heart.

41Only be careful not to shift your pole,

42And-

44What?

46And vow that you've a belly-ache.

48May I not say I'm overburdened so

49That if none ease me, I must ease myself?

51For mercy's sake, not till I'm going to vomit.

53What! must I bear these burdens, and not make

55One of the jokes Ameipsias and Lycis

56And Phrynichus, in every play they write,

57Put in the mouths of their burden-bearers?

59Don't make them; no! I tell you when I see

60Their plays, and hear those jokes, I come away

61More than a twelvemonth older than I went.

63O thrice unlucky neck of mine, which now

64Is getting crushed, yet must not crack its joke!

66Now is not this fine pampered insolence

67When I myself, Dionysus, son of-Pipkin,

68Toil on afoot, and let this fellow ride,

69Taking no trouble, and no burden bearing?

71What, don't I bear?

73How can you when you're riding?

75Why, I bear these.

77How?

79Most unwillingly.

81Does not the donkey bear the load you're bearing?

83Not what I bear myself: by Zeus, not he.

85How can you bear, when you are borne yourself?

87Don't know: but anyhow my shoulder's aching.

89Then since you say the donkey helps you not,

91You lift him up and carry him in turn.

93O hang it all! why didn't I fight at sea?

94You should have smarted bitterly for this.

96Get down, you rascal; I've been trudging on

98Till now I've reached the portal, where I'm going

99First to turn in. Boy! Boy! I say there, Boy!

102Who banged the door? How like prancing Centaur

103He drove against it Mercy o' me, what's this?

105Boy.

107Yes.

109Did you observe?

111What?

113How alarmed he is.

115Aye truly, lest you've lost your wits.

117O by Demeter, I can't choose but laugh.

118Biting my lips won't stop me. Ha! ha! ha!

120Pray you, come hither, I have need of you.

122I vow I can't help laughing, I can't help it.

124A lion's hide upon a yellow silk,

125A club and buskin! What's it all about?

126Where were you going?

128I was serving lately

129Aboard the-Cleisthenes.

And fought?

130And sank more than a dozen of the enemy's ships.

132You two?

134We two.

136And then I awoke, and lo!

138There as, on deck, I'm reading to myself

139The Andromeda, a sudden pang of longing.

140Shoots through my heart, you can't conceive how keenly.

142How big a pang?

144A small one, Molon's size.

146Caused by a woman?

148No.

150A boy?

152No, no.

154A man?

156Ah! ah!

158Was it for Cleisthenes?

160Don't mock me, brother: on my life I am

161In a bad way: such fierce desire consumes me.

163Aye, little brother? how?

165I can't describe it.

166But yet I'll tell you in a riddling way.

167Have you e'er felt a sudden lust for soup?

169Soup! Zeus-a-mercy, yes, ten thousand times.

171Is the thing clear, or must I speak again?

173Not of the soup: I'm clear about the soup.

175Well, just that sort of pang devours my heart

177For lost Euripides.

179A dead man too.

181And no one shall persuade me not to go

182After the man.

184Do you mean below, to Hades?

186And lower still, if there's a lower still.

188What on earth for?

190I want a genuine poet,

191"For some are not, and those that are, are bad."

193What! does not Iophon live?

195Well, he's the sole

196Good thing remaining, if even he is good.

197For even of that I'm not exactly certain.

199If go you must, there's Sophocles-he comes

200Before Euripides-why not take him?

202Not till I've tried if Iophon's coin rings true

204When he's alone, apart from Sophocles.

205Besides, Euripides, the crafty rogue,

206Will find a thousand shifts to get away,

207But he was easy here, is easy there.

209But Agathon, where is he?

211He has gone and left us.

212A genial poet, by his friends much missed.

214Gone where?

216To join the blessed in their banquets.

218But what of Xenocles?

220O he be hanged!

222Pythangelus?

224But never a word of me,

225Not though my shoulder's chafed so terribly.

226But have you not a shoal of little songsters,

227Tragedians by the myriad, who can chatter

228A furlong faster than Euripides?

230Those be mere vintage-leavings, jabberers, choirs

232Of swallow-broods, degraders of their art,

233Who get one chorus, and are seen no more,

234The Muses' love once gained. But O, my friend,

235Search where you will, you'll never find a true

236Creative genius, uttering startling things.

238Creative? how do you mean?

I mean a man

239Who'll dare some novel venturesome conceit,

240"Air, Zeus's chamber," or "Time's foot," or this,

241"'Twas not my mind that swore: my tongue committed

242A little perjury on its own account."

244You like that style?

246Like it? I dote upon it.

248I vow its ribald nonsense, and you know it.

250"Rule not my mind": you've got a house to mind.

252Really and truly though 'tis paltry stuff.

254Teach me to dine!

256But never a word of me.

258But tell me truly-'twas for this I came

259Dressed up to mimic you-what friends received

260And entertained you when you went below

261To bring back Cerberus, in case I need them.

262And tell me too the havens, fountains, shops,

263Roads, resting-places, stews, refreshment-rooms,

264Towns, lodgings, hostesses, with whom were found

265The fewest bugs.

267But never a word of me.

269You are really game to go?

271O drop that, can't you?

272And tell me this: of all the roads you know

273Which is the quickest way to get to Hades?

274I want one not too warm, nor yet too cold.

276Which shall I tell you first? which shall it be?

278There's one by rope and bench: you launch away

279And-hang yourself.

281No thank you: that's too stifling.

283Then there's a track, a short and beaten cut,

285By pestle and mortar.

287Hemlock, do you mean?

289Just so.

291No, that's too deathly cold a way;

292You have hardly started ere your shins get numbed.

294Well, would you like a steep and swift descent?

296Aye, that's the style: my walking powers are small.

298Go down to the Cerameicus.

300And do what?

302Climb to the tower's top pinnacle-

304And then?

306Observe the torch-race started, and when all

308The multitude is shouting "Let them go,"

309Let yourself go.

311Go! whither?

313To the ground.

315And lose, forsooth, two envelopes of brain.

316I'll not try that.

318Which will you try?

320The way

321You went yourself.

323A parlous voyage that,

324For first you'll come to an enormous lake

325Of fathomless depth.

327And how am I to cross?

329An ancient mariner will row you over

330In a wee boat, so big. The fare's two obols.

332Fie! The power two obols have, the whole world through!

334How came they thither!

336Theseus took them down.

337And next you'll see great snakes and savage monsters

338In tens of thousands.

340You needn't try to scare me,

341I'm going to go.

343Then weltering seas of filth

344And ever-rippling dung: and plunged therein,

345Whoso has wronged the stranger here on earth,

346Or robbed his boylove of the promised pay,

347Or swinged his mother, or profanely smitten

348His father's check, or sworn an oath forsworn,

349Or copied out a speech of Morsimus.

351There too, perdie, should he be plunged, whoe'er

353Has danced the sword-dance of Cinesias.

355And next the breath of flutes will float around you,

357And glorious sunshine, such as ours, you'll see,

358And myrtle groves, and happy bands who clap

359Their hands in triumph, men and women too.

361And who are they?

363The happy mystic bands,

365And I'm the donkey in the mystery show.

366But I'll not stand it, not one instant longer.

368Who'll tell you everything you want to know.

369You'll find them dwelling close beside the road

370You are going to travel, just at Pluto's gate.

371And fare thee well, my brother.

373And to you Good cheer.

(Exit HERACLES.)

375Now sirrah, pick you up the traps.

377Before I've put them down?

379And quickly too.

381No, prithee, no: but hire a body, one

382They're carrying out, on purpose for the trip.

384If I can't find one?

386Then I'll take them.

388Good.

389And see they are carrying out a body now.

(Here a CORPSE, wrapped in its grave-clothes, and lying on a bier, is carried across the stage.)

392Hallo! you there, you deadman, are you willing

393To carry down our little traps to Hades?

395What are they?

397These.

399Two drachmas for the job?

401Nay, that's too much.

403Out of the pathway, you!

405Beshrew thee, stop: may-be we'll strike a bargain.

407Pay me two drachmas, or it's no use talking.

409One and a half.

411I'd liefer live again I

413How absolute the knave is! He be hanged!

414I'll go myself.

416You're the right sort, my man.

417Now to the ferry.

420Yoh, up! lay her to.

422Whatever's that?

424Why, that's the lake, by Zeus,

425Whereof he spake, and yon's the ferry-boat.

427Poseidon, yes, and that old fellow's Charon.

429Charon! O welcome, Charon! welcome, Charon!

431Who's for the Rest from every pain and ill?

432Who's for the Lethe's plain? the Donkey-shearings?

433Who's for Cerberia? Taenarum? or the Ravens?

435I.

437Hurry in.

439But where are you going really?

440In truth to the Ravens?

442Aye, for your behoof. Step in.

(to XANTHIAS)

445Now, lad.

447A slave? I take no slave,

448Unless he has fought for his bodyrights at sea.

450I couldn't go. I'd got the eye-disease.

452Then fetch a circuit round about the lake.

454Where must I wait?

456Beside the Withering stone, Hard by the Rest.

458You understand?

460Too well.

461O, what ill omen crossed me as I started!

(to DIONYSUS)

464Sit to the oar.

(calling)

466Who else for the boat? Be quick.

(to DIONYSUS)

468Hi! what are you doing?

470What am I doing? Sitting

471On to the oar. You told me to, yourself

473Now sit you there, you little Potgut.

So?

475Now stretch your arms full length before you.

So?

477Come, don't keep fooling; plant your feet, Pull with a will.

479Why, how am I to pull?

480I'm not an oarsman, seaman, Salaminian. I can't.

482You can. Just dip your oar in once,

483You'll hear the loveliest timing songs.

485What from?

487Frog-swans, most wonderful.

489Then give the word.

491Heave ahoy! heave ahoy I

(off stage)

494Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax,

495Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax!

496We children of the fountain and the lake

497Let us wake

498Our full choir-shout, as the flutes are ringing out,

500Our symphony of clear-voiced song.

501The song we used to love in the Marshland up above,

502In praise of Dionysus to produce,

503Of Nysaean Dionysus, son of Zeus,

504When the revel-tipsy throng, all crapulous and gay,

505To our precinct reeled along on the holy Pitcher day,

507Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

509O, dear! O, dear! now I declare

510I've got a bump upon my rump,

512Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

514But you, perchance, don't care.

516Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

518Hang you, and your ko-axing tool

519There's nothing but ko-ax with you.

521That is right, Mr. Busybody, right!

522For the Muses of the lyre love us well;

523And hornfoot Pan who plays on the pipe his jocund lays;

525And Apollo, Harper bright, in our Chorus takes delight;

526For the strong reed's sake which I grow within my lake

528To be girdled in his lyre's deep shell.

529Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

531My hands are blistered very sore;

532My stern below is sweltering so,

533'Twill soon, I know, upturn and roar

534Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

535O tuneful race, O pray give o'er,

536O sing no more.

538Ah, no! ah, no!

539Loud and louder our chant must flow.

540Sing if ever ye sang of yore,

541When in sunny and glorious days

542Through the rushes and marsh-flags springing

543On we swept, in the joy of singing

544Myriad-diving roundelays.

545Or when fleeing the storm, we went

546Down to the depths, and our choral song

547Wildly raised to a loud and long

548Bubble-bursting accompaniment.

550Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

552This timing song I take from you.

554That's a dreadful thing to do.

556Much more dreadful, if I row

557Till I burst myself, I trow.

559Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

561Go, hang yourselves; for what care I?

563All the same we'll shout and cry,

564Stretching all our throats with song,

565Shouting, crying, all day long,

567Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

569In this you'll never, never win.

571This you shall not beat us in.

573No, nor ye prevail o'er me.

574Never! never! I'll my song,

575Shout, if need be, all day Yong,

576Until I've learned to master your ko-ax.

577Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax.

578I thought I'd put a stop to your ko-ax.

580Stop! Easy! Take the oar and push her to.

581Now pay your fare and go.

583Here' tis: two obols.

584Xanthias! where's Xanthias? Is it Xanthias there?

(off stage)

587Hoi, hoi!

589Come hither.

(Entering)

592Glad to meet you, master.

594What have you there?

596Nothing but filth and darkness.

598But tell me, did you see the parricides

599And perjured folk he mentioned?

601Didn't you?

603Poseidon, yes. Why look!

(pointing to the audience)

605I see them now.

606What's the next step?

608We'd best be moving on.

609This is the spot where Heracles declared

610Those savage monsters dwell.

612O hang the fellow.

613That's all his bluff: he thought to scare me off,

614The jealous dog, knowing my plucky ways.

615There's no such swaggerer lives as Heracles.

616Why, I'd like nothing better than to achieve

617Some bold adventure, worthy of our trip.

619I know you would. Hallo! I hear a noise.

621Where? what?

623Behind us, there.

625Get you behind.

627No, it's in front.

629Get you in front directly.

631And now I see the most ferocious monster.

633O, what's it like?

635Like everything by turns.

636Now it's a bull: now it's a mule: and now

637The loveliest girl.

639O, where? I'll go and meet her.

641It's ceased to be a girl: it's a dog now.

643It is Empusa!

645Well, its face is all

646Ablaze with fire.

648Has it a copper leg?

650A copper leg? yes, one; and one of cow dung.

652O, whither shall I flee?

654O, whither I?

656My priest, protect me, and we'll sup together.

658King Heracles, we're done for.

660O, forbear, Good fellow, call me anything but that.

662Well then, Dionysus.

664O, that's worse again,

(to the SPECTRE)

667Aye, go thy way. O master, here, come here.

669O, what's up now?

671Take courage; all's serene.

672And, like Hegelochus, we now may say

673"Out of the storm there comes a new wether."

674Empusa's gone.

676Swear it.

678By Zeus she is.

680Swear it again.

682By Zeus.

684Again.

686By Zeus.

687O dear, O dear, how pale I grew to see her,

688But he, from fright has yellowed me all over.

690Ah me, whence fall these evils on my head?

692Who is the god to blame for my destruction?

693Air, Zeus's chamber, or the Foot of Time?

Hist!

696What's the matter?

Didn't you hear it?

What?

698The breath of flutes.

700Aye, and a whiff of torches

701Breathed o'er me too; a very mystic whiff.

703Then crouch we down, and mark what's going on.

(in the distance)

706O lacchus! O lacchus! O Iacchus!

708I have it, master: 'tis those blessed Mystics,

709Of whom he told us, sporting hereabouts.

710They sing the Iacchus which Diagoras made.

712I think so too: we had better both keep quiet

714And so find out exactly what it is.

717O Iacchus! power excelling, here in stately temples dwelling.

719O Iacchus! O lacchus!

720Come to tread this verdant level,

721Come to dance in mystic revel,

722Come whilst round thy forehead hurtles

723Many a wreath of fruitful myrtles,

724Come with wild and saucy paces

725Mingling in our joyous dance,

726Pure and holy, which embraces all the charms of all the Graces,

728When the mystic choirs advance.

730Holy and sacred queen, Demeter's daughter,

731O, what a jolly whiff of pork breathed o'er me!

733Hist! and perchance you'll get some tripe yourself.

735Come, arise, from sleep awaking, come the fiery torches shaking,

737O Iacchus! O Iacchus!

738Morning Star that shinest nightly.

739Lo, the mead is blazing brightly,

740Age forgets its years and sadness,

741Aged knees curvet for gladness,

742Lift thy flashing torches o'er us,

743Marshal all thy blameless train,

744Lead, O lead the way before us; lead the lovely youthful Chorus

746To the marshy flowery plain.

747All evil thoughts and profane be still: far hence, far hence from our choirs depart,

749Who knows not well what the Mystics tell, or is not holy and pure of heart;

751Who ne'er has the noble revelry learned, or danced the dance of the Muses high; or shared in the Bacchic rites which old bull-eating Cratinus's words supply;

754Who vulgar coarse buffoonery loves, though all untimely the they make;

756Or lives not easy and kind with all, or kindling faction forbears to slake,

758But fans the fire, from a base desire some pitiful gain for himself to reap;

760Or takes, in office, his gifts and bribes, while the city is tossed on the stormy deep;

762Who fort or fleet to the foe betrays; or, a vile Thorycion, ships away

764Forbidden stores from Aegina's shores, to Epidaurus across the Bay

766Transmitting oar-pads and sails and tar, that curst collector of five per cents;

768The knave who tries to procure supplies for the use of the enemy's armaments;

770The Cyclian singer who dares befoul the Lady Hecate's wayside shrine;

772The public speaker who once lampooned in our Bacchic feasts would, with heart malign,

774Keep nibbling away the Comedians' pay;- to these I utter my warning cry,

776I charge them once, I charge them twice,

777I charge them thrice, that they draw not nigh

778To the sacred dance of the Mystic choir.

779But ye, my comrades, awake the song,

780The night-long revels of joy and mirth which ever of right to our feast belong.

782Advance, true hearts, advance!

783On to the gladsome bowers,

784On to the sward, with flowers

785Embosomed bright!

786March on with jest, and jeer, and dance,

787Full well ye've supped to-night.

788March, chanting loud your lays,

789Your hearts and voices raising,

790The Saviour goddess praising

791Who vows she'll still

792Our city save to endless days,

793Whate'er Thorycion's will.

794Break off the measure, and change the time; and now with chanting and hymns adorn

796Demeter, goddess mighty and high, the harvest-queen, the giver of corn.

798O Lady, over our rites presiding,

799Preserve and succour thy choral throng,

800And grant us all, in thy help confiding,

801To dance and revel the whole day long;

802And much in earnest, and much in jest,

803Worthy thy feast, may we speak therein.

804And when we have bantered and laughed our best,

805The victor's wreath be it ours to win.

806Call we now the youthful god, call him hither without delay,

808Him who travels amongst his chorus, dancing along on the Sacred Way.

810O, come with the joy of thy festival song,

811O, come to the goddess, O, mix with our throng

812Untired, though the journey be never so long.

813O Lord of the frolic and dance, lacchus, beside me advance!

815For fun, and for cheapness, our dress thou hast rent,

817Through thee we may dance to the top of our bent,

818Reviling, and jeering, and none will resent.

819O Lord of the frolic and dance, lacchus, beside me advance!

821A sweet pretty girl I observed in the show,

822Her robe had been torn in the scuffle, and lo,

823There peeped through the tatters a bosom of snow.

824O Lord of the frolic and dance, lacchus, beside me advance!

826Wouldn't I like to follow on, and try

827A little sport and dancing?

829Wouldn't I?

831Shall we all a merry joke

832At Archedemus poke,

833Who has not cut his guildsmen yet, though seven years old;

835Yet up among the dead

836He is demagogue and head

837And contrives the topmost place of the rascaldom to hold?

839And Cleisthenes, they say,

840Is among the tombs all day,

841Bewailing for his lover with a lamentable whine.

842And Callias, I'm told,

843Has become a sailor bold,

844And casts a lion's hide o'er his members feminine.

846Can any of you tell

847Where Pluto here may dwell,

848For we, sirs, are two strangers who were never here before?

850O, then no further stray,

851Nor again inquire the way,

852For know that ye have journeyed to his very entrance-door.

854Take up the wraps, my lad.

856Now is not this too bad?

857Like "Zeus's Corinth," he "the wraps" keeps saying o'er and o'er.

859Now wheel your sacred dances through the glade with flowers bedight,

861All ye who are partakers of the holy festal rite;

862And I will with the women and the holy maidens go

863Where they keep the nightly vigil, an auspicious light to show.

865Now haste we to the roses,

866And the meadows full of posies,

867Now haste we to the meadows

868In our own old way,

869In choral dances blending,

870In dances never ending,

871Which only for the holy

872The Destinies array.

873O, happy mystic chorus,

874The blessed sunshine o'er us

875On us alone is smiling,

876In its soft sweet light:

877On us who strove forever

878With holy, pure endeavour,

879Alike by friend and stranger

880To guide our steps aright.

882What's the right way to knock? I wonder how

884The natives here are wont to knock at doors.

886No dawdling: taste the door. You've got, remember,

888The lion-hide and pride of Heracles.

(knocking)

891Boy! boy!

894Who's there?

896I, Heracles the strong!

898O, you most shameless desperate ruffian, you

900O, villain, villain, arrant vilest villain!

901Who seized our Cerberus by the throat, and fled,

902And ran, and rushed, and bolted, haling of

903The dog, my charge! But now I've got thee fast.

904So close the Styx's inky-hearted rock,

905The blood-bedabbled peak of Acheron

906Shall hem thee in: the hell-hounds of Cocytus

907Prowl round thee; whilst the hundred-headed Asp

908Shall rive thy heart-strings: the Tartesian Lamprey

909Prey on thy lungs: and those Tithrasian Gorgons

910Mangle and tear thy kidneys, mauling them,

911Entrails and all, into one bloody mash.

912I'll speed a running foot to fetch them hither.

915Hallo! what now?

917I've done it: call the god.

919Get up, you laughing-stock; get up directly,

920Before you're seen.

922What, I get up? I'm fainting.

923Please dab a sponge of water on my heart.

925Here! Dab it on.

927Where is it?

929Ye golden gods,

930Lies your heart there?

932It got so terrified

933It fluttered down into my stomach's pit.

935Cowardliest of gods and men!

937The cowardliest? I?

938What I, who asked you for a sponge, a thing

939A coward never would have done!

941What then?

943A coward would have lain there wallowing;

944But I stood up, and wiped myself withal.

946Poseidon! quite heroic.

948'Deed I think so.

949But weren't you frightened at those dreadful threats

950And shoutings?

952Frightened? Not a bit. I cared not.

954Come then, if you're so very brave a man,

955Will you be I, and take the hero's club

956And lion's skin, since you're so monstrous plucky?

957And I'll be now the slave, and bear the luggage.

959Hand them across. I cannot choose but take them.

961And now observe the Xanthio-heracles

962If I'm a coward and a sneak like you.

964Nay, you're the rogue from Melite's own self.

966And I'll pick up and carry on the traps.

969O welcome, Heracles! come in, sweetheart.

970My Lidy, when they told her, set to work,

971Baked mighty loaves, boiled two or three tureens

972Of lentil soup, roasted a prime ox whole,

973Made rolls and honey-cakes. So come along.

(declining)

976You are too kind.

978I will not let you go.

979I will not let you! Why, she's stewing slices

980Of juicy bird's-flesh, and she's making comfits,

981And tempering down her richest wine. Come, dear,

982Come along in.

(still declining)

985Pray thank her.

987O you're jesting,

988I shall not let you off: there's such a lovely

989Flute-girl all ready, and we've two or three

990Dancing-girls also.

992Eh! what! Dancing-girls?

994Young budding virgins, freshly tired and trimmed.

996Come, dear, come in. The cook was dishing up

997The cutlets, and they are bringing in the tables.

999Then go you in, and tell those dancing-girls

1000Of whom you spake, I'm coming in Myself.

(Exit MAID.)

1002Pick up the traps, my lad, and follow me.

1004Hi! stop! you're not in earnest, just because

1005I dressed you up, in fun, as Heracles?

1006Come, don't keep fooling, Xanthias, but lift

1007And carry in the traps yourself

Why! what!

1008You are never going to strip me of these togs

1009You gave me!

1011Going to? No, I'm doing it now. off with that lion-skin.

1013Bear witness all,

1014The gods shall judge between us.

1016Gods, indeed!

1017Why, how could you (the vain and foolish thought I)

1019A slave, a mortal, act Alemena's son?

1021All right then, take them; maybe, if God will,

1023You'll soon require my services again.

1025This is the part of a dexterous clever

1026Man with his wits about him ever,

1027One who has travelled the world to see;

1028Always to shift, and to keep through all

1029Close to the sunny side of the wall;

1030Not like a pictured block to be,

1031Standing always in one position;

1032Nay but to veer, with expedition,

1033And ever to catch the favouring breeze,

1034This is the part of a shrewd tactician,

1035This is to be a-Theramenes!

1037Truly an exquisite joke 'twould be,

1038Him with a dancing-girl to see,

1039Lolling at ease on Milesian rugs;

1040Me, like a slave, beside him standing,

1041Aught that he wants to his lordship handing;

1042Then as the damsel fair he hugs,

1043Seeing me all on fire to embrace her,

1044He would perchance (for there's no man baser),

1045Turning him round like a lazy lout,

1046Straight on my mouth deliver a facer,

1047Knocking my ivory choirmen out.

1049O Plathane! Plathane! that naughty man,

1050That's he who got into our tavern once,

1051And ate up sixteen loaves.

1053O, so he is! The very man.

1055Bad luck for somebody!

1057O and, besides, those twenty bits of stew,

1058Half-obol pieces.

1060Somebody's going to catch it!

1062That garlic too.

1064Woman, you're talking nonsense.

1065You don't know what you're saying.

1067O, you thought

1068I shouldn't know you with your buskins on!

1069Ah, and I've not yet mentioned all that fish,

1070No, nor the new-made cheese: he gulped it down,

1071Baskets and all, unlucky that we were.

1072And when I just alluded to the price,

1073He looked so fierce, and bellowed like a bull.

1075Yes, that's his way: that's what he always does.

1077O, and he drew his sword, and seemed quite mad.

1079O, that he did.

1081And terrified us so

1082We sprang up to the cockloft, she and I.

1083Then out he hurled, decamping with the rugs.

1085That's his way too; something must be done.

1087Quick, run and call my patron Cleon here

1089O, if you meet him, call Hyperbolus!

1090We'll pay you out to-day.

1092O filthy throat,

1093O how I'd like to take a stone, and hack

1094Those grinders out with which you chawed my wares.

1096I'd like to pitch you in the deadman's pit.

1098I'd like to get a reaping-hook and scoop

1099That gullet out with which you gorged my tripe.

1100But I'll to Cleon: he'll soon serve his writs;

1101He'll twist it out of you to-day, he will.

1104Perdition seize me, if I don't love Xanthias.

1106Aye, aye, I know your drift: stop, stop that talking

1108I won't be Heracles.

1110O, don't say so,

1111Dear, darling Xanthias.

1113Why, how can I,

1114A slave, a mortal, act Alemena's son!

1116Aye, aye, I know you are vexed, and I deserve

1117And if you pummel me, I won't complain.

1118But if I strip you of these togs again,

1119Perdition seize myself, my wife, my children,

1120And, most of all, that blear-eyed Archedemus.

1122That oath contents me: on those terms I take them.

1124Now that at last you appear once more,

1125Wearing the garb that at first you wore,

1126Wielding the club and the tawny skin,

1127Now it is yours to be up and doing,

1128Glaring like mad, and your youth renewing,

1129Mindful of him whose guise you are in.

1130If, when caught in a bit of a scrape, you

1131Suffer a word of alarm to escape you,

1132Showing yourself but a feckless knave,

1133Then will your master at once undrape you,

1134Then you'll again be the toiling slave.

1136There, I admit, you have given to me

1137Capital hint, and the like idea,

1138Friends, had occurred to myself before.

1139Truly if anything good befell

1140He would be wanting, I know full well,

1141Wanting to take to the togs once more.

1142Nevertheless, while in these I'm vested,

1143Ne'er shall you find me craven-crested,

1144No, for a dittany look I'll wear,

1145Aye and methinks it will soon be tested,

1146Hark! how the portals are rustling there.

1149Seize the dog-stealer, bind him, pinion him,

1151Drag him to justice

1153Somebody's going to catch it.

(striking out)

1156Hands off! away! stand back!

1158Eh? You're for fighting.

1159Ho! Ditylas, Sceblyas, and Pardocas,

1160Come hither, quick; fight me this sturdy knave.

1162Now isn't it a shame the man should strike

1163And he a thief besides?

1165A monstrous shame!

1167A regular burning shame!

1169By the Lord Zeus,

1170If ever I was here before, if ever

1171I stole one hair's-worth from you, let me die!

1172And now I'll make you a right noble offer,

1173Arrest my lad: torture him as you will,

1174And if you find I'm guilty, take and kill me.

1176Torture him, how?

1178In any mode you please.

1179Pile bricks upon him: stuff his nose with acid:

1180Flay, rack him, hoist him; flog him with a scourge

1181Of prickly bristles: only not with this,

1182A soft-leaved onion, or a tender leek.

1184A fair proposal. If I strike too hard

1185And maim the boy, I'll make you compensation.

1187I shan't require it. Take him out and flog him.

1189Nay, but I'll do it here before your eyes.

1190Now then, put down the traps, and mind you speak

1191The truth, young fellow.

(in agony)

1194Man' don't torture me!

1195I am a god. You'll blame yourself hereafter

1196If you touch me.

1198Hillo! What's that you are saying?

1200I say I'm Bacchus, son of Zeus, a god,

1201And he's the slave.

1203You hear him?

1205Hear him? Yes.

1206All the more reason you should flog him well.

1207For if he is a god, he won't perceive it.

1209Well, but you say that you're a god yourself.

1210So why not you be flogged as well as I?

1212A fair proposal. And be this the test,

1213Whichever of us two you first behold

1214Flinching or crying out-he's not the god.

1216Upon my word you're quite the gentleman,

1217You're all for right and justice. Strip then, both.

1219How can you test us fairly?

1221Easily. I'll give you blow for blow.

1223A good idea.

1224We're ready now!

(AEACUS strikes him)

1226see if you catch me flinching.

1228I struck you.

(incredulously)

1231No!

1233Well, it seems "no" indeed.

1234Now then I'll strike the other.

1237Tell me when?

1239I struck you.

1241Struck me? Then why didn't I sneeze?

1243Don't know, I'm sure. I'll try the other again.

1245And quickly too. Good gracious!

1247Why "good gracious"?

1248Not hurt you, did I?

1250No, I merely thought of

1251The Diomeian feast of Heracles.

1253A holy man! 'Tis now the other's turn.

1255Hi! Hi!

1257Hallo!

1259Look at those horsemen, look!

1261But why these tears?

1263There's such a smell of onions.

1265Then you don't mind it?

(cheerfully)

1268Mind it? Not a bit.

1270Well, I must go to the other one again.

1272O! O!

1274Hallo!

1276Do pray pull out this thorn.

1278What does it mean? 'Tis this one's turn again.

(shrieking)

1281Apollo! Lord!

(calmly)

1283of Delos and of Pytho.

1285He flinched! You heard him?

1287Not at all; a jolly Verse of Hipponax flashed across my mind.

1289You don't half do it: cut his flanks to pieces.

1291By Zeus, well thought on. Turn your belly here.

(screaming)

1294Poseidon!

1296There! he's flinching.

(singing)

1299who dost reign

1300Amongst the Aegean peaks and creeks

1301And oer the deep blue main.

1303No, by Demeter, still I can't find out

1304Which is the god, but come ye both indoors;

1305My lord himself and Persephassa there,

1306Being gods themselves, will soon find out the truth.

1308Right! right! I only wish you had thought of that

1310Before you gave me those tremendous whacks.

1313Come, Muse, to our Mystical Chorus,

1314O come to the joy of my song,

1315O see on the benches before us that countless and wonderful throng,

1317Where wits by the thousand abide, with more than a Cleophon's pride-

1319On the lips of that foreigner base, of Athens the bane and disgrace,

1321There is shrieking, his kinsman by race,

1322The garrulous swallow of Thrace;

1323From that perch of exotic descent,

1324Rejoicing her sorrow to vent,

1325She pours to her spirit's content, a nightingale's woful lament,

1327That e'en though the voting be equal, his ruin will soon be the sequel.

1329Well it suits the holy Chorus evermore with counsel wise

1331To exhort and teach the city; this we therefore now advise-

1333End the townsmen's apprehensions; equalize the rights of all;

1335If by Phrynichus's wrestlings some perchance sustained a fall,

1337Yet to these 'tis surely open, having put away their sin,

1339For their slips and vacillations pardon at your hands to win.

1341Give your brethren back their franchise.

1342Sin and shame it were that slaves,

1343Who have once with stern devotion fought your battle on the waves,

1345Should be straightway lords and masters, yea Plataeans fully blown-

1347Not that this deserves our censure; there I praise you; there alone

1349Has the city, in her anguish, policy and wisdom shown-

1351Nay but these, of old accustomed on our ships to fight and win,

1353(They, their fathers too before them), these our very kith and kin,

1355You should likewise, when they ask you, pardon for their single sin.

1357O by nature best and wisest,

1358O relax your jealous ire,

1359Let us all the world as kinsfolk and as citizens acquire,

1361All who on our ships will battle well and bravely by our side.

1363If we cocker up our city, narrowing her with senseless pride,

1365Now when she is rocked and reeling in the cradles of the sea,

1367Here again will after ages deem we acted brainlessly.

1368And O if I'm able to scan the habits and life of a man

1370Who shall rue his iniquities soon! not long shall that little baboon,

1372That Cleigenes shifty and small, the wickedest bathman of all

1374Who are lords of the earth-which is brought from the isle of Cimolus, and wrought

1376With nitre and lye into soap-

1377Not long shall he vex us, I hope.

1378And this the unlucky one knows,

1379Yet ventures a peace to oppose,

1380And being addicted to blows he carries a stick as he goes,

1382Lest while he is tipsy and reeling, some robber his cloak should be stealing.

1384Often has it crossed my fancy, that the city loves to deal

1386With the very best and noblest members of her commonweal, just as with our ancient coinage, and the newly-minted gold.

1388Yea for these, our sterling pieces, all of pure Athenian mould,

1390All of perfect die and metal, all the fairest of the fair,

1392All of workmanship unequalled, proved and valued everywhere

1394Both amongst our own Hellenes and Barbarians far away,

1396These we use not: but the worthles pinchbeck coins of yesterday,

1398Vilest die and basest metal, now we always use instead.

1399Even so, our sterling townsmen, nobly born and nobly bred,

1401Men of worth and rank and mettle, men of honourable fame,

1403Trained in every liberal science, choral dance and manly game,

1405These we treat with scorn and insult, but the strangers newliest come,

1407Worthless sons of worthless fathers, pinchbeck townsmen, yellowy scum,

1409Whom in earlier days the city hardly would have stooped to use

1411Even for her scapegoat victims, these for every task we choose.

1413O unwise and foolish people, yet to mend your ways begin;

1415Use again the good and useful: so hereafter, if ye win

1417'Twill be due to this your wisdom: if ye fall, at least 'twill be

1419Not a fall that brings dishonour, falling from a worthy tree.

1422By Zeus the Saviour, quite the gentleman

1423Your master is.

1425Gentleman? I believe you.

1426He's all for wine and women, is my master.

1428But not to have flogged you, when the truth came out

1430That you, the slave, were passing off as master!

1432He'd get the worst of that.

1434Bravo! that's spoken

1435Like a true slave: that's what I love myself.

1437You love it, do you?

1439Love it? I'm entranced

1440When I can curse my lord behind his back.

1442How about grumbling, when you have felt the stick,

1444And scurry out of doors?

1446That's jolly too.

1448How about prying?

1450That beats everything,

1452Great Kin-god Zeus! And what of overhearing

1453Your master's secrets?

1455What? I'm mad with joy.

1457And blabbing them abroad?

1459O heaven and earth!

1460When I do that, I can't contain myself.

1462Phoebus Apollo! clap your hand in mine,

1463Kiss and be kissed: and prithee tell me this,

1464Tell me by Zeus, our rascaldom's own god,

1465What's all that noise within? What means this hubbub

1466And row?

1468That's Aeschylus and Euripides.

1470Eh?

1472Wonderful, wonderful things are going on.

1473The dead are rioting, taking different sides.

1475Why, what's the matter?

1477There's a custom here

1478With all the crafts, the good and noble crafts,

1479That the chief master of art in each

1480Shall have his dinner in the assembly hall,

1481And sit by Pluto's side.

1483I understand.

1485Until another comes, more wise than he

1486In the same art: then must the first give way.

1488And how has this disturbed our Aeschylus?

1490'Twas he that occupied the tragic chair,

1491As, in his craft, the noblest.

1493Who does now?

1495But when Euripides came down, he kept

1496Flourishing off before the highwaymen,

1497Thieves, burglars, parricides-these form our mob

1498In Hades-till with listening to his twists

1499And turns, and pleas and counterpleas, they went

1500Mad on the man, and hailed him first and wisest:

1501Elate with this, he claimed the tragic chair

1502Where Aeschylus was seated.

1504Wasn't he pelted?

1506Not he: the populace clamoured out to try

1507Which of the twain was wiser in his art.

1509You mean the rascals?

1511Aye, as high as heaven!

1513But were there none to side with Aeschylus?

1515Scanty and sparse the good,

(regards the audience)

1517the same as here.

1519And what does Pluto now propose to do?

1521He means to hold a tournament, and bring

1522Their tragedies to the proof.

1524But Sophocles,

1525How came not he to claim the tragic chair?

1527Claim it? Not he! When he came down, he kissed

1529With reverence Aeschylus, and clasped his hand,

1530And yielded willingly the chair to him.

1531But now he's going, says Cleidemides,

1532To sit third-man: and then if Aeschylus win,

1533He'll stay content: if not, for his art's sake,

1534He'll fight to the death against Euripides.

1536Will it come off?

1538O yes, by Zeus, directly.

1539And then, I hear, will wonderful things be done,

1540The art poetic will be weighed in scales.

1542What I weigh out tragedy, like butcher's meat?

1544Levels they'll bring, and measuring-tapes for words,

1546And moulded oblongs,

1548Is it bricks they are making?

1550Wedges and compasses: for Euripides

1551Vows that he'll test the dramas, word by word.

1553Aeschylus chafes at this, I fancy.

1555Well, He lowered his brows, upglaring like a bull.

1557And who's to be the judge?

1559There came the rub.

1560Skilled men were hard to find: for with the Athenians

1561Aeschylus, somehow, did not hit it off,

1563Too many burglars, I expect, he thought.

1565And all the rest, he said, were trash and nonsense

1567To judge poetic wits. So then at last

1568They chose your lord, an expert in the art.

1569But we go in for when our lords are bent

1570On urgent business, that means blows for us.

1572O surely with terrible wrath will the thunder-voiced monarch be filled,

1574When he sees his opponent beside him, the tonguester, the artifice-skilled,

1576Stand, whetting his tusks for the fight!

1577O surely, his eyes rolling-fell

1578Will with terrible madness be fraught I

1579O then will be charging of plume-waving words with their wild-floating mane,

1581And then will be whirling of splinters, and phrases smoothed down with the plane,

1583When the man would the grand-stepping maxims, the language gigantic, repel

1585Of the hero-creator of thought.

1586There will his shaggy-born crest upbristle for anger and woe,

1588Horribly frowning and growling, his fury will launch at the foe

1590Huge-clamped masses of words, with exertion Titanic up-tearing

1592Great ship-timber planks for the fray.

1593But here will the tongue be at work, uncoiling, word-testing, refining,

1595Sophist-creator of phrases, dissecting, detracting, maligning,

1597Shaking the envious bits, and with subtle analysis paring

1599The lung's large labour away.

1604Don't talk to me; I won't give up the chair,

1605I say I am better in the art than he.

1607You hear him, Aeschylus: why don't you speak?

1609He'll do the grand at first, the juggling trick

1611He used to play in all his tragedies.

1613Come, my fine fellow, pray don't talk to big.

1615I know the man, I've scanned him through and through,

1617A savage-creating stubborn-pulling fellow,

1618Uncurbed, unfettered, uncontrolled of speech,

1619Unperiphrastic, bombastiloquent.

1621Hah! sayest thou so, child of the garden quean

1623And this to me, thou chattery-babble-collector,

1624Thou pauper-creating rags-and-patches-stitcher?

1625Thou shalt abye it dearly!

1627Pray, be still;

1628Nor heat thy soul to fury, Aeschylus.

1630Not till I've made you see the sort of man

1631This cripple-maker is who crows so loudly.

1633Bring out a ewe, a black-fleeced ewe, my boys:

1635Here's a typhoon about to burst upon us.

1637Thou picker-up of Cretan monodies,

1638Foisting thy tales of incest on the stage-

1640Forbear, forbear, most honoured Aeschylus;

1641And you, my poor Euripides, begone

1642If you are wise, out of this pitiless hail,

1643Lest with some heady word he crack your scull

1644And batter out your brain-less Telephus.

1645And not with passion, Aeschylus, but calmly

1646Test and be tested. 'Tis not meet for poets

1647To scold each other, like two baking-girls.

1648But you go roaring like an oak on fire.

1650I'm ready, I don't draw back one bit.

1651I'll lash or, if he will, let him lash first

1652The talk, the lays, the sinews of a play:

1653Aye and my Peleus, aye and Aeolus.

1654And Meleager, aye and Telephus.

1656And what do you propose? Speak, Aeschylus.

1658I could have wished to meet him otherwhere.

1659We fight not here on equal terms.

1661Why not?

1663My poetry survived me: his died with him:

1664He's got it here, all handy to recite.

1665Howbeit, if so you wish it, so we'll have it.

1667O bring me fire, and bring me frankincense.

1668I'll pray, or e'er the clash of wits begin,

1669To judge the strife with high poetic skill.

1670Meanwhile

(to the CHORUS)

1672invoke the Muses with a song.

1674O Muses, the daughters divine of Zeus, the immaculate Nine,

1676Who gaze from your mansions serene on intellects subtle and keen,

1678When down to the tournament lists, in bright-polished wit they descend,

1680With wrestling and turnings and twists in the battle of words to contend,

1682O come and behold what the two antagonist poets can do,

1684Whose mouths are the swiftest to teach grand language and filings of speech:

1686For now of their wits is the sternest encounter commencing in earnest.

1688Ye two, put up your prayers before ye start.

1690Demeter, mistress, nourisher of my soul,

1691O make me worthy of thy mystic rites!

(to EURIPIDES)

1694Now put on incense, you.

1696Excuse me, no;

1697My vows are paid to other gods than these.

1699What, a new coinage of your own?

1701Precisely.

1703Pray then to them, those private gods of yours.

1705Ether, my pasture, volubly-rolling tongue,

1706Intelligent wit and critic nostrils keen,

1707O well and neatly may I trounce his plays!

1709We also are yearning from these to be learning

1710Some stately measure, some majestic grand

1711Movement telling of conflicts nigh.

1712Now for battle arrayed they stand,

1713Tongues embittered, and anger high.

1714Each has got a venturesome will,

1715Each an eager and nimble mind;

1716One will wield, with artistic skill,

1717Clearcut phrases, and wit refined;

1718Then the other, with words defiant,

1719Stern and strong, like an angry giant

1720Laying on with uprooted trees,

1721Soon will scatter a world of these

1722Superscholastic subtleties.

1724Now then, commence your arguments, and mind you both display

1725True wit, not metaphors, nor things which any fool could say.

1727As for myself, good people all,

1728I'll tell you by-and-by

1729My own poetic worth and claims; but first of all I'll try

1730To show how this portentous quack beguiled the silly fools

1731Whose tastes were nurtured, ere he came, in Phrynichus's schools.

1732He'd bring some single mourner on, seated and veiled, 'twould be

1733Achilles, say, or Niobe

1734-the face you could not see-

1735An empty show of tragic woe, who uttered not one thing.

1737'Tis true.

1739Then in the Chorus came, and rattled off a string

1740Of four continuous lyric odes: the mourner never stirred.

1742I liked it too. I sometimes think that I those mutes preferred

1743To all your chatterers now-a-days.

1745Because, if you must know,

1746You were an ass.

1748An ass, no doubt; what made him do it though?

1750That was his quackery, don't you see, to set the audience guessing

1751When Niobe would speak; meanwhile, the drama was progressing.

1753The rascal, how he took me in!

1754'Twas shameful, was it not?

(To AESCHYLUS)

1756What makes you stamp and fidget so?

1758He's catching it so hot.

1759So when he had humbugged thus awhile, and now his wretched play

1760Was halfway through, a dozen words, great wild-bull words, he'd say,

1761Fierce Bugaboos, with bristling crests, and shaggy eyebrows too,

1762Which not a soul could understand.

1764O heavens!

1766Be quiet, do.

1768But not one single word was clear.

1770St! don't your teeth be gnashing.

1772'Twas all Scamanders, moated camps, and griffin-eagles flashing

1773In burnished copper on the shields, chivalric-precipice-high

1774Expressions, hard to comprehend.

1776Aye, by the Powers, and

1777Full many a sleepless night have spent in anxious thought, because

1778I'd find the tawny cock-horse out, what sort of bird it was!

1780It was a sign, you stupid dolt, engraved the ships upon.

1782Eryxis I supposed it was,

1783Philoxenus's son.

1785Now really should a cock be brought into a tragic play?

1787You enemy gods and men, what was your practice, pray?

1789No cock-horse in my plays, by Zeus, no goat-stag there you'll see,

1790Such figures as are blazoned forth in Median tapestry.

1791When first I took the art from you, bloated and swoln, poor thing,

1792With turgid gasconading words and heavy dieting,

1793First I reduced and toned her down, and made her slim and neat

1794With wordlets and with exercise and poultices of beet,

1795And next a dose of chatterjuice, distilled from books, I gave her,

1796And monodies she took, with sharp

1797Cephisophon for flavour.

1798I never used haphazard words, or plunged abruptly in;

1799Who entered first explained at large the drama's origin

1800And source.

1802Its source, I really trust, was better than your own.

1804Then from the very opening lines no idleness was shown;

1805The mistress talked with all her might, the servant talked as much,

1806The master talked, the maiden talked, the beldame talked.

1807For such an outrage was not death your due?

1809No, by Apollo, no:

1810That was my democratic way.

1812Ah, let that topic go.

1813Your record is not there, my friend, particularly good.

1815Then next I taught all these to speak.

1817You did so, and I would

1818That ere such mischief you had wrought, your very rungs had split.

1820Canons of verse I introduced, and neatly chiselled wit;

1821To look, to scan: to plot, to plan: to twist, to turn, to woo:

1822On all to spy; in all to pry.

1824You did: I say so too.

1826I showed them scenes of common life, the things we know and see,

1827Where any blunder would at once by all detected be.

1828I never blustered on, or took their breath and wits away

1829By Cycnuses or Memnons clad in terrible array,

1830With bells upon their horses' heads, the audience to dismay.

1831Look at his pupils, look at mine: and there the contrast view.

1832Uncouth Megaenetus is his, and rough Phormisius too;

1833Great long-beard-lance-and-trumpet-men, flesh-tearers with the pine:

1834But natty smart Theramenes, and Cleitophon are mine.

1836Theramenes? a clever man and wonderfully sly:

1837Immerse him in a flood of ills, he'll soon be high and dry,

1838"A Kian with a kappa, sir, not Chian with a chi."

1840I taught them all these knowing ways

1841By chopping logic in my plays,

1842And making all my speakers try

1843To reason out the How and Why.

1844So now the people trace the springs,

1845The sources and the roots of things,

1846And manage all their households to

1847Far better than they used to do,

1848Scanning and searching "What's amiss?"

1849And, "Why was that?" And, "How is this?"

1851Ay, truly, never now a man

1852Comes home, but he begins to scan;

1853And to his household loudly cries,

1854"Why, where's my pitcher? What's the matter?

1855'Tis dead and my last year's platter.

1856Who gnawed these olives? Bless the sprat,

1857Who nibbled off the head of that?

1858And where's the garlic vanished, pray,

1859I purchased only yesterday?"

1860-Whereas, of old, our stupid youths

1861Would sit, with open mouths and eyes,

1862Like any dull-brained Mammacouths.

1864"All this thou beholdest, Achilles our boldest."

1865And what wilt thou reply? Draw tight the rein

1866Lest that fiery soul of thine

1867Whirl thee out of the listed plain,

1868Past the olives, and o'er the line.

1869Dire and grievous the charge he brings.

1870See thou answer him, noble heart,

1871Not with passionate bickerings.

1872Shape thy course with a sailor's art,

1873Reef the canvas, shorten the sails,

1874Shift them edgewise to shun the gales.

1875When the breezes are soft and low,

1876Then, well under control, you'll go

1877Quick and quicker to strike the foe.

1878O first of all the Hellenic bards high loftily-towering verse to rear,

1879And tragic phrase from the dust to raise, pour forth thy fountain with right good cheer.

1881My wrath is hot at this vile mischance, and my spirit revolts at the thought that

1882Must bandy words with a fellow like him: but lest he should vaunt that I can't reply-

1883Come, tell me what are the points for which a noble poet our praise obtains.

1885For his ready wit, and his counsels sage, and because the citizen folk he trains

1886To be better townsmen and worthier men.

1888If then you have done the very reverse,

1889Found noble-hearted and virtuous men, and altered them, each and all, for the worse,

1890Pray what is the meed you deserve to get?

1892Nay, ask not him. He deserves to die.

1894For just consider what style of men he received from me, great six-foot-high

1895Heroical souls, who never would blench from a townsman's duties in peace or war;

1896Not idle loafers, or low buffoons, or rascally scamps such as now they are.

1897But men who were breathing spears and helms, and the snow-white plume in its crested pride,

1898The greave, and the dart, and the warrior's heart in its sevenfold casing of tough bull-hide.

1900He'll stun me, I know, with his armoury-work; this business is going from bad to worse.

1902And how did you manage to make them so grand, exalted, and brave with your wonderful verse?

1904Come, Aeschylus, answer, and don't stand mute in your self-willed pride and arrogant spleen.

1906A drama I wrote with the War-god filled.

1908Its name?

1910'Tis the Seven against Thebes that I mean.

1911Which whoso beheld, with eagerness swelled to rush to the battlefield there and then.

1913O that was a scandalous thing you did!

1914You have made the Thebans mightier men,

1915More eager by far for the business of war.

1916Now, therefore, receive this punch on the head.

1918Ah, ye might have practised the same yourselves, but ye turned to other pursuits instead.

1919Then next the Persians I wrote, in praise of the noblest deed that the world can show,

1920And each man longed for the victor's wreath, to fight and to vanquish his country's foe.

1922I was pleased, I own, when I heard their moan for old Darius, their great king, dead;

1923When they smote together their hands, like this, and "Evir alake" the Chorus said.

1925Aye, such are the poet's appropriate works: and just consider how all along

1926From the very first they have wrought you good, the noble bards, the masters of song.

1927First, Orpheus taught you religious rites, and from bloody murder to stay your hands:

1928Musaeus healing and oracle lore; and Hesiod all the culture of lands,

1929The time to gather, the time to plough.

1930And gat not Homer his glory divine

1931By singing of valour, and honour, and right, and the sheen of the battle-extended line,

1932The ranging of troops and the arming of men?

1934O ay, but he didn't teach that, I opine,

1935To Pantacles; when he was leading the show

1936I couldn't imagine what he was at,

1937He had fastened his helm on the top of his head, he was trying to fasten his plume upon that.

1939But others, many and brave, he taught, of whom was Lamachus, hero true;

1940And thence my spirit the impress took, and many a lion-heart chief I drew,

1941Patrocluses, Teucers, illustrious names; for I fain the citizen-folk would spur

1942To stretch themselves to their measure and height, whenever the trumpet of war they hear.

1943But Phaedras and Stheneboeas? No! no harlotry business deformed my plays.

1944And none can say that ever I drew a love-sick woman in all my days.

1946For you no lot or portion had got in Queen Aphrodite.

1948Thank Heaven for that.

1949But ever on you and yours, my friend, the mighty goddess mightily sat;

1950Yourself she cast to the ground at last.

1952O ay, that uncommonly pat.

1953You showed how cuckolds are made, and lo, you were struck yourself by the very same fate.

1955But say, you cross-grained censor of mine, how my Stheneboeas could harm the state.

1957Full many a noble dame, the wife of a noble citizen, hemlock took,

1958And died, unable the shame and sin of your Bellerophon-scenes to brook.

1960Was then, I wonder, the tale I told of Phaedra's passionate love untrue?

1962Not so: but tales of incestuous vice the sacred poet should hide from view,

1963Nor ever exhibit and blazon forth on the public stage to the public ken.

1964For boys a teacher at school is found, but we, the poets, are teachers of men.

1965We are hound things honest and pure to speak.

1967And to speak great Lycabettuses, pray,

1968And massive blocks of Parnassian rocks, is that things honest and pure to say?

1969In human fashion we ought to speak.

1971Alas, poor witling, and can't you see

1972That for mighty thoughts and heroic aims, the words themselves must appropriate be?

1973And grander belike on the ear should strike the speech of heroes and godlike powers,

1974Since even the robes that invest their limbs are statelier, grander robes than ours.

1975Such was my plan: but when you began, you spoilt and degraded it all.

How so?

1977Your kings in tatters and rags you dressed, and brought them on, a beggarly show,

1978To move, forsooth, our pity and ruth.

1980And what was the harm, I should like to know.

1982No more will a wealthy citizen now equip for the state a galley of war.

1983He wraps his limbs in tatters and rags, and whines he is "poor, too poor by far."

1985But under his rags he is wearing a vest, as woolly and soft as a man could wish.

1986Let him gull the state, and he's off to the mart; an eager, extravagant buyer of fish.

1988Moreover to prate, to harangue, to debate, is now the ambition of all in the state.

1989Each exercise-ground is in consequence found deserted and empty: to evil repute

1990Your lessons have brought our youngsters, and taught our sailors to challenge, discuss, and refute

1991The orders they get from their captains and yet, when I was alive, I protest that the knaves

1992Knew nothing at all, save for rations to call, and to sing "Rhyppapae" as they pulled through the waves.

1994And bedad to let fly from their sterns in the eye of the fellow who tugged at the undermost oar,

1995And a jolly young messmate with filth to besmirch, and to land for a filching adventure ashore;

1996But now they harangue, and dispute, and won't row

1997And idly and aimlessly float to and fro.

1999Of what ills is lie not the creator and cause?

2000Consider the scandalous scenes that he draws,

2001His bawds, and his panders, his women who give

2002Give birth in the sacredest shrine,

2003Whilst others with brothers are wedded and bedded,

2004And others opine

2005That "not to be living" is truly "to live."

2006And therefore our city is swarming to-day

2007With clerks and with demagogue-monkeys, who play

2008Their jackanape tricks at all times, in all places,

2009Deluding the people of Athens; but none

2010Has training enough in athletics to run

2011With the torch in his hand at the races.

2013By the Powers, you are right! At the Panathenaea

2014I laughed till I felt like a potsherd to see

2015Pale, paunchy young gentleman pounding along,

2016With his head butting forward, the last of the throng,

2017In the direst of straits; and behold at the gates,

2018The Ceramites flapped him, and smacked him, and slapped him,

2019In the ribs, and the loin, and the flank, and the groin,

2020And still, as they spanked him, he puffed and he panted,

2021Till at one mighty cuff, he discharged such a puff

2022That he blew out his torch and levanted.

2024Dread the battle, and stout the combat, mighty and manifold looms the war.

2025Hard to decide is the fight they're waging,

2026One like a stormy tempest raging,

2027One alert in the rally and skirmish, clever to parry and foin and spar.

2028Nay but don't be content to sit

2029Always in one position only: many the fields for your keen-edged wit.

2030On then, wrangle in every way,

2031Argue, battle, be flayed and flay,

2032Old and new from your stores display,

2033Yea, and strive with venturesome daring something subtle and neat to say.

2034Fear ye this, that to-day's spectators lack the grace of artistic lore,

2035Lack the knowledge they need for taking

2036All the points ye will soon be making?

2037Fear it not: the alarm is groundless: that, be sure, is the case no more.

2038All have fought the campaign ere this:

2039Each a book of the words is holding; never a single point they'll miss.

2040Bright their natures, and now, I ween,

2041Newly whetted, and sharp, and keen.

2042Dread not any defect of wit,

2043Battle away without misgiving, sure that the audience, at least, are fit.

2045Well then I'll turn me to your prologues now,

2046Beginning first to test the first beginning

2047Of this fine poet's plays. Why he's obscure

2048Even in the enunciation of the facts.

2050Which of them will you test?

2052Many: but first

2053Give us that famous one from the Oresteia.

2055St! Silence all! Now, Aeschylus, begin.

2057"Grave Hermes, witnessing a father's power,

2058Be thou my saviour and mine aid to-day,

2059For here I come and hither I return."

2061Any fault there?

2063A dozen faults and more.

2065Eh! why the lines are only three in all.

2067But every one contains a score of faults.

2069Now Aeschylus, keep silent; if you don't

2070You won't get off with three iambic lines.

2072Silent for him!

2074If my advice you'll take.

2076Why, at first starting here's a fault skyhigh.

(to DIONYSUS)

2079You see your folly?

2081Have your way; I care not.

(to EURIPIDES)

2084What is my fault?

2086Begin the lines again.

2088"Grave Hermes, witnessing a father's power-"